Alternative Greetings

Cari amici vicini e lontani…[1]

All right… back to a language most people reading this can understand without having to implant a Babel Fish in their ear.. Hello everyone ! My name is totally hidden in my username here; I better spell it out for you, at least this once: Francesco Rizzi. Ol√≥rin was my name in my youth; I still use that nick online sometimes, although mostly I go by Krag, or F.O.R., or simply my name. Certainly, since I moved to the U.S., I answer when people call me Frank. There: you have plenty of options on how to refer to me. Master and Overlord also work fine, while only the closest of friends call me Dumbass.

[RealitySyndrome]… Public Service Announcement: on my posts, she will also be known as [Reality]. I like brevity, I have a suspicious eye for redundant information.. unless we get someone else that goes by [RealityDifferentWord] around here, I think [Reality] is enough for everyone to know who we’re talking about. Yes, my picky friends… [R] would also be enough (for now), since no other author on this blog start with an ‘R’. I happen to love clarity, and a bit of foresight as well, though.. So I think I can spend the extra keystrokes to finish the word: [Reality] and/or [RealitySyndrome] it should be. So where was I?

[RealitySyndrome] started this place and lured me over here. The luring was mostly done by her writing and the fact that I’ve always been interested in joining a multi-author blog. The interaction of multiple authors, the playful chasing of their distinct opinions, the overlapping of their lives… it should all work together to make it an interesting environment. Or something akin to an LSD-induced firework show. Plus, we’ve got Orange Elephants, and Coffee.

No, seriously.. think about it for a second: Orange Elephants, as in..

Weve got orange elephants !

We've got orange elephants !

That’s already awesomeness, right there. Orance elephants are so rare that we can’t even get an unadulterated image of them from a reliable source… so rare that some people think they don’t exist. They are mistaken, of course, and unlikely to be British. If that wasn’t enough for you.. we have coffee.

Coffee… even the simple word is enticing. You can slow down as you say it.. let each syllable roll on your tongue to savor it. Doesn’t it sound like ‘ambrosia’ ? The simple word ‘coffee’ seems to possess some form of magic, some yet-unexplained mystic power. Clearly, it resonates with human nature. You can see this for yourself with a simple experiment… talk to the people around you about coffee, and note their reactions. Then, talk to them about a ‘bitter, white, crystalline xanthine alkaloid‘ and note their reactions. Plot your results on a Cartesian plane, with the name of the people you talked to on the abscissa, and their reaction on the ordinate, using blue for the first set of data, and green for the second.. you’ll see the graph will look like this[2]: ‘AWESOME’

And, clearly this is the spot where to find the best authorities on the topic. I mean, when billions and billions of peopel across the world Google for “Orange elephants coffee”[3] this is the top result.

So, there you have it, ladies and gentlemen: We’ve got Orange Elephants, and Coffee. I think that makes it self-explanatory, but.. just in case you can’t see it, I’ll spell it out for you: Total World Domination is but one step away.

I was going to introduce you to the world of ARGs now.. but i fear this is becoming a bit long for a ‘first post’ so, I’ll save that topic for next time. Until then, Godspeed.

[1]: Literally “Dear friends, close and far-away”, and the source for this incipit is Nunzio Filogamo, an Italian tv and radio host from the 70’s.

[2]: Barring, of course, a slight margin of error. Research suggests that every time this experiment is performed, the margin of error is equal to the square root of the ordinal value of the day when the experiment is performed (in the Chinese Calendar), plus or minus 10%.

[3]: Very common occurrence.. I can’t think of a day in the last 10 years of my life I didn’t query Google for exactly those words.


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